102 Funny Quotes About Food

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Do you have an insatiable appetite for humor? You’re in for a treat!

We’ve whipped up a smorgasbord of hilarious quotes about food from celebrities and famous personalities that will have you laughing all the way to the fridge.

These are not just for chefs, foodies or culinary enthusiasts, but for anyone who finds joy in food, which, let’s be honest, is just about everyone!

From satirical jabs about diets to witty remarks about cooking, these quotes present food in a whole new, ridiculously funny light!

  1. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
  2. “I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding.” – Mike Birbiglia
  3. “My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles
  4. “I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.” – Erma Bombeck
  5. “People who love to eat are always the best people.” – Julia Child
  6. “If you’re afraid of butter, use cream.” – Julia Child
  7. “The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” – Julia Child
  8. “Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.” – Sophia Loren
  9. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'” – Yogi Berra
  10. “Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks.” – Marilyn Wann
  11. “Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn.” – Garrison Keillor
  12. “You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.” – Ronald Reagan
  13. “Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn’t illegal.” – Voltaire
  14. “Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” – Anthony Bourdain
  15. “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  16. “I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.” – Bill Murray
  17. “I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'” – Phyllis Diller
  18. “It’s amazing how pervasive food is. Every second commercial is for food. Every second TV episode takes place around a meal. In the city, you can’t go ten feet without seeing or smelling a restaurant. There are 20 foot high hamburgers up on billboards. I am acutely aware of food, and its omnipresence is astounding.” – Adam Scott
  19. “I realized I was an attractive older woman when a gentleman offered to help carry my groceries and he was referring to one bag of M&Ms.” – Joan Rivers
  20. “I get way too much happiness from good food.” – Elizabeth Olsen
  21. “I asked the barista at Starbucks why they don’t serve coffee-flavored coffee. She said it would be redundant. I said, ‘redundancy is the key to Starbucks’ success.'” – Lewis Black
  22. “Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.” – Josh Billings
  23. “I am a better person when I have less on my plate.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
  24. “Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” – Jim Davis
  25. “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers
  26. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck
  27. “The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again.” – George Miller
  28. “There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.” – Kevin James
  29. “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
  30. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
  31. “Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” – Mark Twain
  32. “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” – Louis Pasteur
  33. “Ice cream is the perfect buffer, because you can do things in a somewhat lighthearted way. Plus, people have an emotional response to ice cream; it’s more than just food. So I think when you combine caring, and eating wonderful food, it’s a very powerful combination.” – Jerry Greenfield
  34. “Never eat more than you can lift.” – Miss Piggy
  35. “I wouldn’t touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can’t figure out how to make into a belt? – timecode 1:11:30” – Bill Maher
  36. “Fish, to taste right, must swim three times – in water, in butter, and in wine.” – Polish Proverb
  37. “I say 50 percent of the iceberg lettuce you eat is eaten by you and 50 percent is eaten by some other organism…In my case, it’s eaten by just a slightly smaller version of me.” – Conan O’Brien
  38. “My favorite animal is steak.” – Fran Lebowitz
  39. “I like a cook who smiles out loud when he tastes his own work.” – Robert A. Heinlein
  40. “I like rice, rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.” – Mitch Hedberg
  41. “I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.” – Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
  42. “First we eat, then we do everything else.” – M.F.K. Fisher
  43. “I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.” – Jim Gaffigan
  44. “I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.” – Anonymous
  45. “I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days.” – Totie Fields
  46. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?” – Anonymous
  47. “I’ve decided that perhaps I’m bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.” – Paula Poundstone
  48. “The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off it.” – Jackie Gleason
  49. “You can’t just eat good food. You’ve got to talk about it too. And you’ve got to talk about it to somebody who understands that kind of food.” – Kurt Vonnegut
  50. “People want honest, flavorful food, not some show-off meal that takes days to prepare.” – Ted Allen
  51. “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.” – Adelle Davis
  52. “I feel a recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation.” – Madame Benoit
  53. “I don’t follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event.” – Ron Ben-Israel
  54. “I cook to inspire my husband to pay attention to me.” – Sonia Rumzi
  55. “Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul.” – Dorothy Day
  56. “After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” – Oscar Wilde
  57. “Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.” – Harriet Van Horne
  58. “You don’t need a silver fork to eat good food.” – Paul Prudhomme
  59. “Food is our common ground, a universal experience.” – James Beard
  60. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
  61. “Life is a combination of magic and pasta.” – Federico Fellini
  62. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
  63. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck
  64. “There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw
  65. “A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.” – Unknown
  66. “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers
  67. “I’m pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10-year-old with a Hershey bar and crows feet.” – Amy Neftzger
  68. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'” – Yogi Berra
  69. “I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.” – Unknown
  70. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” – Miles Kington
  71. “I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
  72. “An onion can make people cry, but there’s never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.” – Will Rogers
  73. “Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!” – Tommy Smothers
  74. “A party without cake is just a meeting.” – Julia Child
  75. “Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.” – Orson Welles
  76. “I hate people who are not serious about meals. It is so shallow of them.” – Oscar Wilde
  77. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?” – Unknown
  78. “One day I’m gonna make the onions cry.” – Unknown
  79. “Nothing says ‘I mean business’ like using a cart at the liquor store.” – Unknown
  80. “If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn’t have given us grandmothers.” – Linda Henley
  81. “My doctor told me I had to stop throwing intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles
  82. “Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” – Fran Lebowitz
  83. “I love Thanksgiving turkey. It’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
  84. “I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.” – Woody Allen
  85. “Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.” – Woody Allen
  86. “Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” – Mark Twain
  87. “Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn’t illegal.” – Voltaire
  88. “After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” – Oscar Wilde
  89. “I’ve been on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” – Unknown
  90. “Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments.” – Bethenny Frankel
  91. “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” – Ernestine Ulmer
  92. “An onion can make people cry, but there’s never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.” – Will Rogers
  93. “There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw
  94. “I’m not gaining weight. I’m retaining food.” – Unknown
  95. “Never trust a skinny cook.” – Unknown
  96. “Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.” – Jay Leno
  97. “There is no sincere love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw
  98. “Eating is a necessity but cooking is an art.” – Unknown
  99. “I’m not gaining weight. I’m retaining food.” – Unknown
  100. “The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.” – John Walters
  101. “You don’t need a silver fork to eat good food.” – Paul Prudhomme
  102. “The secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” – Mark Twain

And there you have it! A deliciously humorous collection of food quotes to feast on!

These quotes are a testament to how food isn’t just essential for life, but also a source of enjoyment, creativity, and of course, laughter.

So next time you’re sitting down to a meal, don’t forget to serve up a side of humor too.

Remember, laughter is a calorie-free seasoning that makes any dish better.

So, savor these quotes, share them with friends, and let the joy of food—and the fun of talking about it—fill your day with laughter!