50 Best “Little Johnny” Jokes

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Welcome to our compilation of “Little Johnny” jokes!

This cheeky character has been a staple of joke books and comedy routines for generations.

Little Johnny is the clever, mischievous, and witty child always ready to question his teachers or perplex his parents with hilarious, often unexpected, responses.

Sit back and prepare to laugh as Little Johnny’s world combines humor, innocence, and a sprinkle of audacity!

  1. Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of two pronouns?”
    Little Johnny: “Who, me?”
  2. Little Johnny’s teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think money can buy happiness?”
    Little Johnny replied, “Well, it sure would make my mom happy, she always says we need more of it.”
  3. Little Johnny’s father asked him what he wanted for his birthday.
    Little Johnny replied: “A baby brother.”
    A year later, Johnny’s father asked him again what he wanted for his birthday.
    Little Johnny said: “If it’s not too uncomfortable for mommy, I’d still like a baby brother.”
  4. Teacher: “Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, ‘geometry.'”
    Little Johnny: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, ‘Gee, I’m a tree.'”
  5. During a lesson on verbs, the teacher asked, “Johnny, can you tell me what a verb is?”
    Little Johnny answered, “A verb is a word that shows action. Like my dad is always ‘talking,’ my mom is always ‘shopping,’ and my sister is always ‘complaining.'”
  6. Teacher: “Johnny, your essay on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy him?”
    Little Johnny: “No, teacher, it’s the same dog.”
  7. Teacher: “Johnny, why is your cat at school today?”
    Little Johnny: “Well, I heard my dad tell my mom, ‘I’m going to eat that p***y once Johnny leaves for school!’ So, I’m saving him!”
  8. Teacher: “Johnny, I hope I didn’t see you peeking at Patricia’s paper.”
    Little Johnny: “I hope you didn’t either, teacher.”
  9. Little Johnny’s mom: “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?”
    Little Johnny: “Because of absence.”
    Mom: “You were absent on the day of the test?”
    Little Johnny: “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.”
  10. Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?”
    Little Johnny: “It’s 42, teacher!”
    Teacher: “Very good! And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?”
    Little Johnny: “It’s 24, teacher!”
  11. Teacher: “Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?”
    Little Johnny: “I don’t know.”
    Teacher: “Bark, Johnny, bark.”
    Little Johnny: “Woof, woof!”
  12. Teacher: “Johnny, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.”
    Little Johnny: “Me!”
  13. Teacher: “Why are you late, Johnny?”
    Little Johnny: “Because of the sign.”
    Teacher: “What sign?”
    Little Johnny: “The one that says, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow.'”
  14. Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the chemical formula for water?”
    Little Johnny: “HIJKLMNO.”
    Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
    Little Johnny: “Yesterday you said it’s H to O.”
  15. Little Johnny’s dad: “Johnny, I heard you were in the principal’s office this morning.”
    Little Johnny: “I was. I finally found a place where crying and sleeping are allowed.”
  16. Teacher: “Johnny, what are you doing out here?”
    Little Johnny: “Our teacher said to do this math problem when we’re at our wits’ end.”
  17. Teacher: “Johnny, what is the capital of France?”
    Little Johnny: “F.”
  18. Little Johnny’s dad: “Son, why does your math book look so bad?”
    Little Johnny: “Because it has too many problems.”
  19. Teacher: “Johnny, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?”
    Little Johnny: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
  20. Teacher: “Johnny, how do you spell ‘crocodile?'”
    Little Johnny: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”
    Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”
    Little Johnny: “Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.”
  21. Teacher: “Johnny, where is the English Channel?”
    Little Johnny: “I don’t know, my mom always watches the Food Network.”
  22. Teacher: “Johnny, how old is your grandfather?”
    Little Johnny: “He’s as old as me.”
    Teacher: “How can that be?”
    Little Johnny: “He became a grandfather when I was born.”
  23. Teacher: “Johnny, what’s the future tense of the statement ‘I’m going on a journey’?”
    Little Johnny: “I’m packing my suitcase.”
  24. Little Johnny’s father: “Johnny, why were you late to school again?”
    Little Johnny: “Dad, I can’t be early or late. I’m Johnny on the Spot!”
  25. Teacher: “Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
    Little Johnny: “I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and be unemployed.”
  26. Teacher: “Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?”
    Little Johnny: “Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.”
  27. Teacher: “Johnny, if I had five apples in one hand and six in another, what would I have?”
    Little Johnny: “Really big hands!”
  28. Little Johnny’s dad: “If you get a good report card, I’ll buy you a bike.”
    Later, Johnny arrives home with his report card.
    Dad: “Johnny, where is your report card?”
    Little Johnny: “I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents.”
  29. Teacher: “Johnny, why are your grades so low?”
    Little Johnny: “Because of absence.”
    Teacher: “You were absent?”
    Little Johnny: “No, but the kid sitting next to me was.”
  30. Teacher: “Johnny, can you use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence?”
    Little Johnny: “My shirt has ten buttons, but I can only fascinate.”
  31. Teacher: “Why are you doing your maths sums on the floor, Johnny?”
    Little Johnny: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
  32. Little Johnny’s mother: “Johnny, why are all your answer sheets blank?”
    Little Johnny: “Because the teacher said it was a ‘do it yourself’ test.”
  33. Teacher: “Johnny, what’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?”
    Little Johnny: “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
  34. Teacher: “Johnny, if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many will you have?”
    Little Johnny: “Seven.”
    Teacher: “No, listen carefully. If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many will you have?”
    Little Johnny: “Seven.”
    Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many will you have?”
    Little Johnny: “Six.”
    Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many will you have?”
    Little Johnny: “Seven!”
    Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
    Little Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
  35. Teacher: “Johnny, why are you late for school every day?”
    Little Johnny: “Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, ‘School – Go Slow.'”
  36. Teacher: “Johnny, why don’t I ever see you at Sunday School?”
    Little Johnny: “I keep trying to come, but every time I get close, some guy on a cloud keeps yelling ‘The end is near!’ and I run home.”
  37. Little Johnny’s mother: “Johnny, do you pray before you eat?”
    Little Johnny: “No, Mom, I don’t have to. You’re a good cook.”
  38. Teacher: “Johnny, why did you bring a ladder to school?”
    Little Johnny: “You told me to bring my grades up!”
  39. Teacher: “Johnny, what are you going to do after school?”
    Little Johnny: “Following in my father’s footsteps. So, probably, yard work.”
  40. Teacher: “Johnny, where is your homework?”
    Little Johnny: “I ate it.”
    Teacher: “Why?”
    Little Johnny: “You said it was a piece of cake.”
  41. Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of two great kings who brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?”
    Little Johnny: “Drin-King and Smo-King.”
  42. Teacher: “Johnny, which book has helped you the most?”
    Little Johnny: “My dad’s checkbook!”
  43. Teacher: “Johnny, what is the shape of the world?”
    Little Johnny: “I don’t know, but my dad says it’s in a terrible state.”
  44. Teacher: “Johnny, give me a sentence with an ‘i’ in it.”
    Little Johnny: “I is…”
    Teacher: “No, Johnny. When you say ‘i’, it should be followed by ‘am’.”
    Little Johnny: “Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
  45. Teacher: “Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
    Little Johnny: “A pensioner.”
  46. Teacher: “Johnny, why are you doing your arithmetic multiplication on the floor?”
    Little Johnny: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
  47. Teacher: “Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.”
    Little Johnny: “I know. But maybe if you were just a bit quieter, I could.”
  48. Teacher: “Johnny, why are you picking your nose in class?”
    Little Johnny: “It’s an internal matter I’d rather not discuss.”
  49. Teacher: “Johnny, name two pronouns.”
    Little Johnny: “Who, me?”
  50. Teacher: “Johnny, why is your sister crying?”
    Little Johnny: “Because I agreed with her.”

And there you have it, folks – a collection of some of the funniest “Little Johnny” jokes that are sure to bring a smile to your face!

From his quick wit to his unique perspective on life, Little Johnny’s antics never fail to entertain.

Whether he’s outsmarting his teachers or delivering punchlines that come out of left field, there’s no denying that this character knows how to keep the laughter rolling.

Thanks for joining us on this fun-filled journey into the humorous world of Little Johnny!